Abby Barnett - The World Race 2008

Reflection "The Philippines"

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Being in the Philippines made a lasting impact on my heart. Not only was it my first month on a 11 month mission trip that was going to change my life forever but this month started the foundation of my race. This month whether I realized it or not I chose YES to began being open and broken and brushing off the lies that I couldn't do it. But not only was my heart impacted but clear imagery stays vivid in my mind. The smells (human waste, burning trash, car exhaust), the feelings (sweaty, dirty, hope), the sights (the dump, people with nothing, children with hope), these things pull on my heart when I reflect on my time in the Philippines.

To be honest sometime the Philippines can seem like a dream. As I daydream, drifting off into a flashback of my time there, first time driving to the school inside the dump where the smell was unbearable, cleaning out a library, playing with the street kids or walking through shacks where people live inside big heaps of trash. The thing that keeps these from

dreams is that it's not just a little picture-daydream, but a full length, full sensory experience.

I remember thinking to myself, "if the race is going to be this hard I wont be to make ten more months. Each day thirteen people compressed into a truck-type car, singing praises to His name but is interrupted by a sudden strange odor that seeps through our windows, not knowing how to react when our eyes see this place these people live in. At the time, 22 years old with clean hair, clean clothes, nice shoes and a nice camera walking into this place and receive nothing but smiles. They had nothing. Their houses were made out of boxes that we save for our next garage sale and their toys are paper bags from the grocery story. Despite that, they still had joy in their lives.

When people ask me what month was my favorite, my heart can't help to say THE PHILIPPINES. I probably can say that for many reasons. Yes it being our first month, full of energy, ready to serve and see peoples lives changed. But never in my wildest dreams did I think my first month was going to be so hard but being able to see hope through the hard times. That these people that spend their day digging through trash looking for things so they can survive. Not knowing anything different. They find contentment in that. It shows through their eyes and smile.

This is where the post finds me. I went on this trip and my life was transformed. But yet I got home and I began to yearn for contentment again. Contentment looked different then I wanted to see. Then contentment followed me to Spain and as I spend my six months here I have been challenged in what I truly believe. To take these things that I have been taught and fight for understanding in my own heart. It's a balance. To be content in what I know but yearn for contentment in things the Lord wants me to understand. I cannot help to think about the people going through the trash everyday. Content in how they live but their faces and eyes show a different contentment then their actions show. And I am overjoyed that it has and will continue to make an impact in my walk with Christ

"Reflection"

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Where I am, is a place where each day Christ is being formed in me. Each day I'm challenged and change begins to form. Each day I am faced with what I truly believe. Each day I'm called to live a life that is full.

I have found that on the world race it was easier to share stories of what was going on. Now the downside of that was we had to move from place to place, but still having the opportunity to serve people and hear their stories was easy to share about.

Now I am here in Mijas, Spain for six months in a different setting but still having the same impact on my heart. Still being impacted by stories, God's stories. Not that there are not stories in this town I just have to have more of a desire to find them and the Lord has me in a different season.

So this is where I am. As weeks gone by the stories from my adventure have overwhelmed my mind. As I sit in class and learn about darkness and that we are the light, I can't help to think of my time in China where I was able to bring light in that dark country. Or learning about who the church is and being in Africa and be able to bring revelation to churches. And the stories could go on.

This is the beginning of a series called "Reflection" (yes I asked Braedon if I could copy)... Where you and I will go back to the locations God took me during my World Race experience. I want to share with how my heart was impacted and how it is relating to what I am experiencing here at G42.

So please stay tuned to hearing my heart and how I was impacted in the Philippines and how the Lord has revealed himself lately about my time in the Philippines.

A Proud Granddaughter

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I have now been in Mijas, Spain for a little over three weeks now and it blows my mind how time has been flying by. Getting more experience everyday on being away from home, and usually I forgot that life goes on at home. This time it has been different. Being away from home and grasping that concept of life continuing is hard for me to put my mind around. I now have a different perspective.

On Tuesday January 19, 2010 my grandpa passed away. He was 91 years old, pretty amazing huh! He was a man that weeks before he passed away he was outside chopping wood for his fireplace. He was definitely one of my heroes. But being a ocean away from my family has been difficult.

Lets just say my life has been a whorl wind from before I left till now. A week before Christmas my grandmother suffered a sever heart attack. Two days before I was suppose to leave my grandmother had a seizure/stroke right in front of me. At this point I wasn't going to leave the country anymore. I was going to throw my $700 plain ticket in the trash and stay home with my family. The day before I left I had a conversation with my parents ended with your grandparents would want you to go. But I was told that I needed to come to terms that I might not see them again.

Trying to swallow something like that seemed impossible. So I hit the road and began my journey for the next six months. The news hit me harder then I thought it was going to. Thoughts began to run in my head. I should be home. Was I being selfish for coming to Spain? The thoughts ran constantly in my head. I am never going to see my grandpa again. I won't get to see him wearing a hat that had mine, Ginni & Bekah's picture really big on the front. I wont be to walk into his house, go into the living room and see him in his chair ready to give me a big hug. That no matter how much my life felt out of place, with a hug from him made all the worries goes away because his desire was to bring our family together.

As these thoughts were running through my head people began to tell me, "don't believe those lies." And they were right. The Lord has me here for a reason. He has a huge dream for my life. He has called me here at this time. At this point I have been praying for the Lord to put a supernatural peace over me. A peace that no one can give me but HIM. And the Lord truly has and because of this I have been able to grieve the loss of my grandpa. And it is a beautiful thing because my memories I have of him are great. And that last memory I have of my grandpa is him coming to see my grandmother at the hospital and so happy to see her bride of 63 years and they embrace.

So why do I tell you this. Well this is what I have been dealing with this past week. There are so many times during the day of my past week where I could of accepted the lie that I don't belong here and I should be home. But I didn't. I took hold of my present and pursued it. And with the grace of the Lord it has happened.

These weeks in Spain we have proclaimed that we are passionate, we are God with skin on, we are dangerous, we are rock breakers, we are self-sacrificing, we are KINGDOM. We have been able to search God's word where the Lord has called each one of us to great things, big dreams and been able to immerse ourselves in intense community to challenge us to our word.

There is more I will share soon of what we are being equipped with but I felt this is the message I needed to send. Until next time...

LIVE FOR THE YOUR DREAMS....WE ARE CALLED TO SPEAK THE TRUTH...AND DON"T BELIVE THE LIES....BRING KINGDOM

This is from the Pittsburgh, Gazette, February 22, 2001

LOVE YOU GRANDPA!

Jesus, Please don't let me cuss...

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Even though it was my third plane ride of the day those were the words that came to my mind. My former squad mate and I approached our plane we were going to travel in and it was maybe if not half smaller size then the planes we have been traveling in. I entered the plane trying to pass the guy getting situated in his seat and he stated; "It's like a miniature restroom." I smiled and wanted to tell him he has no clue what I feel about this plane.

Some of you might be thinking. "Wow, Abby you are a big chicken. Or really Abby how many plane rides have you been on in the last year and your still scared?" But it's true flying has always something that gives me a pit in my stomach. Not a bad one but one that reminds me that I am not in control and I need to trust in the one that has control.

So here I am, I have arrived in Mijas, Spain and I am already have begun a time where I have a pit in my stomach. Now not a bad one but just a reminder that I don't have control of my life and it's going to be a place where I lose more of myself and gain the eyes of Christ.

I have moved into a house with 10 other interns and able to share a life with 30+ people for the next six months. From digging deep of what the Lord has in store for us, to making dance videos, to eating as a family and truly seeking what community looks like and so much more.

I am more then excited to live these next six months in a way that my life radiates fullness, light and order as we have been challenged. I thank you for allowing me to be apart of this. Stay tuned to how I am challenged and changed...

Christmas In The Past....VIDEO

Tue, 8 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It's beginning to look a lot like the Christmas I have always known until last year. This year my Christmas spirit feels I don't know...all messed up. I was recently asked to write a paragraph for my college that is going to be presented at their Christmas around the World chapel. They asked me to share about my experience in a third world country on Christmas. Weeks before this and until now and probably until the holidays are over I just have a different feeling about Christmas. I just keep thinking about how I celebrated Christmas last year screaming at the top of my lungs at midnight rejoicing about our Savior's birth, eating chicken that was so tough I couldn't bite it off (they sure ran those chickens), sharing individual traditions of Christmas with teammates and ending the night with worshiping to the Lord.

I am more then honored to celebrate this Christmas in the states and with my family but how I spent Christmas last year will always have a special place in my heart and hopefully remind me each year how passionate am I living my life.

I got this idea from a squad mate Tangi and wanted to share you a video of how I spent my last year Christmas Holiday! Enjoy!

I Need Your Help!

Tue, 1 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Dear friends and and fellow blog readers,

I cannot thank you enough for your support and never ending love. The changes that happened deep in my heart and my walk with Christ wouldn't be where it is today if it wasn't for your support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blogs to supporting me in prayer or financially to see the Kingdom come to earth.

As most of you already know, I am back in a place in my life where the Lord has called me to face more obstacles and take another step in faith. I am headed to Spain in January to start my term with the G42 Leadership school. I have prayed continuously and know the Lord has called me yet again to abandon my comforts and take a leap of faith to Spain for six months.

Knowing that Lord has more things to break off of me and guidance in my future, I have complete faith He will provide. This school begins on January 5th. I need your support both prayerfully and financially. The total cost comes to $7,000. I ask that you would pray daily that Lord will be able to continue to work on my heart. Will you please prayerfully consider partnering with and supporting me for whatever amount you can, monthly or one-time?

If you would like to support me financially for any amount, please visit www.g42leadershipacademy.org/donate. To support me click "Intern Support
and enter my name. If you would rather pay by check, make checks payable to g42 and mail to:

G42, Inc.

P.O. Box 17419

Fountain Hills, AZ 85269

Memo: Abby Barnett-G42 Intern

Many of you might be asking what this school will be like and what the purpose behind it is. Below is a video of what former students have said about their G42 Leadership School Experience. It explProxy-ConnProxy-Connection:keep-aliveCache-Control:max-age=0oxy-Connection:keep-aliveCache-Control:max-age=0tion:keep-aliveCache-Control:max-age=0ns how and why many of them made the decision to study at the academy. I am Proxy-Connection:keep-aliveCache-Control:max-age=0re then blessed to be apart of the experience.

Took Way to Long.... (Video)

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Now that I have finished my speaking arrangements I wanted to share this video of the year. Thank you so much for supporting me on my journey this past year. You have been apart of this trip as I have and this video just tries the capture what I saw over the past 11 months. (Thanks Ian for making the video) I pray that you will continue pray about supporting me on my next journey to Spain. Read previous blog for more information. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

What Faith Can Do...

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I'm sitting in my bed, wrapping up my life through the past 11 months around the world and two months continued at home. I never thought I would be here to day and see the things I saw but I know this was the plan of the Lord and I couldn't be even more grateful.

Life as I know it is different now. Now yes a lot of things are the same. My hometown is still the place that holds memories of my childhood, relationships that have been built on the foundation of Christ and others that have fallen through the rocks. My family is still the same four people that love me unconditionally. But something is different. I have changed.

A teammate told me that he has seen me grow so much this year but growing is going to continue. That I have asked the Lord to do great things in me this year and I have been delivered and healed from things that captured so many parts of my life. But the asking and healing will continue. For me to continue to find him, seek him, ask him for things and see the BIG things he does in my life.

I want my life to overflow with Christ that is living inside me. I want to see and be apart of God's Kingdom on this earth. I want to be challenged and take these steps of faith I have been called to. So what does that mean for me?

This January, I am going to Spain and will be attending the G42 Leadership Academy. This program is a leadership school for those that have a deep desire to walk their passions out in the Lords vision for their life. To see "God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven." I want to see Christ formed in me. I know that there are more walls in my life to be broken down, growth to happen and to be challenged beyond my ability. I want to follow where he is leading me. Right now that is to Spain.

Will you help me? I've seen more then my mind can wrap around my brain sometimes and experienced the depths of me and the creation of the world in a unimaginable way. I've experienced the pain of seeing a boy sold into sex trade. I've seen an elderly coming closer each day to losing her daughter to a tumor and is to old to take care of herself. I've seen women in India set free from the burden of prostitution and come to the freedom of Christ. This year I was able to experience these things and more but not without the help you.

I am going to Spain for growth, challenges, training, so that I can further use my experience to give God glory. My passions I discovered this year I want to increase. I believe and intend for this to be a time of growth and catching a vision, and I need your help. Cost includes tuition, which is 6,000 dollars (1,000 dollars a month), as well as travel to and from Spain.

G42, Inc.

P.O. Box 17419

Fountain Hills, AZ 85269

Memo: Abby Barnett

Things CHANGE....

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

There they sat. 42 little legs, 42 little eyes and hands, 21 little mouths, smiles and 21 little faces and a day that they were at my discretion. It has been a month and I was already back in front of a bilingual class substituting for the day. A year ago I probably would of told myself I can't use a translator to teach or told myself there is no way I can entertain 21 kids that don't speak my language. But things change and they never stay the same.

So how do I measure a year in the life? How do I explain the things I experienced, the changes I went through, and the people I walked with. Some would say in love, in miles, in laughs, in journeys, in truth learned, in tears cried. I have attempted to share what I have learned this year. And there are things I knew before, but now I know at a deeper level- I know it in my soul. I began this journey: traveling through 16 countries, being a part of ministry 11 different projects in ministry, living in community with 50 people and truly being changed in the deepest parts of me. So things change and they never stay the same.

So these changes are immeasurable. I began this year without a clear picture of what love was or how deep the father's love ran within me. I experienced the Love of God and felt His presence on me. The father's love transformed me and I was able to see the walls be torn down and then extensions of love from my teammates who saw me in my weaknesses and still jumped hurdles for me; supportive love from family and friends back home; contacts that welcomed us with arms of love; love without words (time); love from orphans who were searching for someone to love.... It was and is IMMEASURABLE! This change began deep within me and I will never be the same.

God woke me up. The Lord was able to show me that community is...family, it's iron sharpening iron, confrontation, refinements of myself, a lifestyle, choosing to do life along side of each other, teaching me about myself, being intentional about growing together, it more understanding of God's love. Community is walking life together each step in Christ. On a daily basis, on a momentary basis. I have realized that I can't do life alone and he has called me to do life with others. That there are going to be times where it is going to be extremely hard and you just think life would be so greater if you would be without the community you have been given. But NO it has transformed me this year, to see the importance of community and how we come under each other and serve each other, show Christ love to each other and see Christ in each other. I would not take back one tear I shed, one smile that was shared, one hug that was given or received, one word that was spoken in the community that I lived in this year. Community has wrecked me and I will never be the same.

So now I am home and I have been putting this update off for sure. It has been hard to know where to start. What I experienced and just truly wanting this thing I call "changed" to shine in my life. Wanting people to not only see my change but experience it for themselves. So each day is a challenge to live by those changes and know that the Lord has called me and still has called me to CHANGE!

Laughter is the best medicine....

Wed, 5 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It has been 309 and nine days since I have left the states to journey on this trip called the World Race. What I have seen, what I have experienced and lived through has imprinted on my heart. How the Lord has touched my life and will continue to impact me is beyond my words to explain. But the one thing that has challenged me the most, shown the most love, given me grace in the areas that weren't always needed, is my team. I only have 22 more days to live life with my team in these circumstances and this season of my life and I couldn't be anymore honored to share my gratitude about six amazing teammates.

IAN:The Lord has given him endless energy that sometimes surpasses my knowledgeofunderstanding. He is always open to new things and how the Lord can shape and mold to look more like Jesus. The Lord has made him to have a passion for deep relationships and it has been a blessing to see him walk in that.

LIZ:She has an amazing laugh. The Lord has created her heart to know scripture and the word of God and this year she not only knows it by heart, she is living that with her life. She has been gifted with a heart to share the word of God with anyone and she is not afraid of rejection. She listens to teh Lords voice in her life and is obedient to his calling.

Marisa:Has an outstanding gift of Faith. And through that faith, her love for the Lord, her grace that overflows from her life is so powerfully displayed in her life. With her funny sense of humor she always has our team laughing. She has been an awesome example to me this year and truly shown me how grace is given.

Janina:She is loved by the Lord and it is continually shown by how she supports and gives to her team. The Lord has gifted her with a heart to connect with the hearts of others and show them how to see Christ. She has shown nothing this year but how to lay herself down before the Lord.

Emily:Has a heart to serve others and care for their needs. To see her growth over the past 10 months with the Lord has bright light to my life and the team. Having her by my side this year has not only brought trustworthiness through her friendship but tears in my eyes from laughter. She is an extraordinary women of God.

JACOB:A man of God who goes after the heart of God, that many people don't get the opportunity to see or be in the everyday life of watching. He has a heart that brings peace to others and he is powerfully gifted in bringing the Word of God. At times he has the team searching for more ways to bring God glory and other times laughing.

this is my team and there are so many more words that could express who they are to me and who the Lord says they are. But I hope you got a little glimpse of the people that I have been able to live life with these past 7 months and can't wait to be apart of their lives as we head our own ways.

Well officially me and my team are headed to our ministry sight to start our last 19 days of ministry together. As for now we will not have internet, so this is likely the last time I will post until I am safely at home. Please continue to be in prayer for my team and our squad as we finish our last month of ministry and begin to process our year and transition back to home. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

10 months down...1 to go...

Mon, 3 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

IT'S OFFICIAL

I will be home on Sept 2nd.

In my hearts soul these faces remain...

I can do nothing but give thanks to you...

For your support...

For your prayers...

So that I could see lives changed...

And see my life re-shaped...

THANK-YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...

But the JOURNEY still remains...

One Month to conquer...to capture more faces in my soul...

And many more to come...

I have overcome raising support for this journey and I want to thank you for those who contributed and continue to give.

I could use about $350 more dollars to pay for my health insurance and flights to the World Race launch point.

I am humbled that the Lord continues to provide even when I doubt and I am able to see the faith in my supporters.

Thank you!

To send support: Click SUPPORT ME in the left hand side of the page. or send it to Adventures in Missions (Abby Barnett) 6000 Wellspring Trail Gainseville, GA 30506

"Listos"

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

You know you're a WR in Puerto Barrios GuatemalaWHEN...

10. You grab your shampoo and race outside as soon as it starts raining to make the most of running water

9. Your tent becomes a 7lb keychain because you never use it!

8. Your bunkmates are, geckos, bed bugs, mosquitoes, and mice!

7. Rabid screeching dogs, a van with a megaphone yelling for the gas bill, and a demented rooster are your alarm clock each morning,

6. You blast ShofarFM 103.3 from your balcony even though you don't understand a word of it.

5. Your Eau de toilette is OFF bug spray

4. 13 people are sharing 1 bathroom and only 2 accidental viewings have occurred

3. When youre headed to the beach for the day there is a casket riding right next to you on an over crowded ferry.

2. You are so hot and starved for a beach you don't mind swimming in chocolate milk water.

1. Pollo Campero, the local fast food place is your end all be all hang out joint! (To call your family, use the toilet when the water goes out, eat camperitos, post blogs, and mostly to sit in the AC and stare at a wall, you know like the lovely mural behind us.)

She stole our hearts

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The rain finally ceases to a stop as Janina and Jacob approach the rest of the team after an afternoon of door-to-door ministry-raising money for the radio station. Janina shares with us that they were able to pray for a sweet elderly lady that was having back pain and loosing her eyesight. She then proceeds to ask us, "Do we want to go pray for her?" Without hesitation our team jumps to our feet we begin to make our way through the streets that are flooded from the afternoon thunderstorm.

We approach the house and the sweet lady is sitting outside her house with a smile from ear to ear. With the sun that is brightly shining she begins gathering chairs for us to sit but can comes short a seat or two. With our broken Spanish and her not able to understand English we try to get the point across that we appreciate her hospitality but we are fine.

Janina begins her conversation that we are her friends and we come to pray for her. She gladly accepts our offer and slowly takes a seat behind her. As we gather around her, we lay our hands and just begin to praise our Father for this women. We ask for the Lord's favor that she would restore this woman to her full health. Our visit comes to an end and we part our ways. As exit the neighborhood and with having to look at each other our team knows that the Lord is not finished with this lady.

So since then we have been going weekly to pray for this sweet elderly lady. We believe as a team that the Lord truly wants toheal this lady and we know that the Lord is calling us to obedience in this area. We are going to continue to visit this lady and pray for her. I ask that you would come along side us and pray for her with us.

A Different World

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I can see their hearts already. It is a whole new world to see. I can see that they want freedom. It's a different world out here. No change, no shame, there is no way to be. It's physically and spiritually different then where we have been the past three months and I am ready to pour out my heart. I want to pour out my heart so that they see HIS hope is real. That HE is faithful. I want to pour out my heart so that they see HIS love. So that they know HE hears their cry. I want to pour out my heart so that they know they need HIM.

My team and I have made it to our destination for our month and this past week we have been working along side our contacts and raising money for their Radio Station Marathon. We have been able to go door to door and the Lord has opened doors, as we are welcomed with a smile and a path to see their hearts. We will have the opportunity this month to see many Guatemalans hearts while working manual labor along side of them, visiting orphanages and churches and visiting the red light district and praying for many we come in contact with. Please continue to pray as my team and the Holy Banditz continue our journey on searching these hearts in Puerto Barrios, Guatemala.

HIS

HOPE is real

is FAITHFUL

NEED HIM

Chicken Bus TIme

Mon, 6 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Savior he can move a mountain. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save" echoed from 84 world race voices as we sang praises to our father. As I looked around the room I was breathless to be standing in a room with believers that had hearts that were hurting, hearts that were worshiping, hearts that were loving, hearts that were stretching and all had the same ambition to experience the Lord in new and powerful ways. It was enduring to have this experience and not filled blessed and called to bring Kingdom to this earth.

Well my squad and I have made it to Antigua, Guatemala and we couldn't be more eager to see a new country. We have been able to spend that past few days with the June 09 Squad and just speaking life into each other, worshiping the Lord and enjoying this beautiful city. We will shortly be headed out to our ministry sites over the next few days. So please be in prayer for the "I Squad who will be headed to Nicaragua and my squad who will spread between Mexico and Guatemala. My team as long as Team Banditz will be headed to Puerto Barrios for the month. I don't know much about our ministry but I will update you as soon as possible. Keep us in your prayers! Thanks so much!

Where is your JOY found?

Sat, 4 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The door is cracked and a small angelic Japanese face is peeking out the opening. The door is quickly opened and JOY overwhelms my body as I am welcomed by a women that can only be described by the word JOY. She greets me and my teammate with a hug and quickly shows us to our room where she leaves us to rest from our day of travel.

And this is where it all begin. The days to follow just begin to increase with JOY giving and life breathing. After days of ministry we would always come home to a young women named Kieko that was filled with JOY from the Lord and wanted to talk about our life with Christ.

One of the following days before heading to ministry Kieko's JOY is exuding from within and she cannot keep from telling us that she is pregnant with her third child. With that news I can do nothing but receive the JOY that she is so freely giving. In broken English she kindly shares with us to keep her in her prayers because there has always been high risks when she has been pregnant.

Days pass and to the JOY seems to escalate. We continue to share stories of how the Lord is revealing himself to each other through our life. The day approaches when she goes to her first doctor's appointment and the news is refreshing and heartbreaking all at the same time. She tell us, "that the baby is alive but where it is positioned it is not getting the nutrients that is needed but with the right precautions everything should be fine."

With prayers being lifted and hearts concerned days pass and the JOY is still thriving from this women of God. One day after our ministry we come home to news that can break a mother's heart. Kieko and her husband rush to the hospital while Liz and I stay home hold her little girl in our arms and pray for this family. They return the next day and this JOY can not be found and Keiko spends the next days in bed.

At this point my heart breaks for this women and my prayers are that she would find JOY through this time. Days past and that JOY is just not seen. Before and after ministry she sits sorrowfully in her bed. As days of our ministry start to dwindle her life brings me nothing but tears for this women. I continue to pray steadily that her JOY would return.

On our last evening as we continue our delightful conversations and the conversation of her loss is presented. She turns to Liz and I and says, "Is it ok that I have JOY?" This just brought JOY to my heart. The JOY had returned and it was all because of the Lord's grace.

This just got me thinking...where is my JOY found?

Need life? (video)

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I am cut off from the remainder of the house as the door slowly comes to a complete close followed by giggles that can fill the deep parts of your soul. I can faintly hear Abba playing in the background as I lay in bed. As I proceed to sit up I am suddenly aware of my throbbing head and just can't find the strength to make it any further. As time slowly continues and my mind slowly coming around I am reminded of my responsibility today and just can't find joy in babysitting all day.

I slowly make my way to the living room to find two little girls hurriedly scamper into their room as giggle fallow their footsteps. Their dad has positioned himself on far end of the couch reading his Bible so intently and has a grin on his face from ear to ear as he hears his children snigger into their room.

As time passes we wave goodbye to mom and dad and the babysitting has begun. The joy on their faces as their parents leave is astounding but as soon as the door shuts my facial expression is just exact opposite. I have no idea how to entertain for a full day to children that barely understand English and an attitude from myself that is not pleasing. Sure this is month nine and i have done this a lot but not for ten hours. So here Liz and I are with 9-year-old and 3-year old Japanese girls who are ready to have a day that is worth living for and we are searching for how?

So I leisurely make my way to the couch and try to wrap my mind around entertaining kids and to my surprise Mihiro is standing in front of me and in broken English says, "Want to play cards?"

This is how the babysitting began. I was sitting back and the activity was brought to me. As the day continued I couldn't escape the sound of two Japanese girls giving life by sharing joy with what they were doing. That I couldn't find hope in the day ahead but was given hope from the two little girls who enjoyed; laughing, playing, eating, movie watching and so much more.

This day that seemed so disastrous in the beginning was life giving in the end. Where God helped me get a little clearer understanding about joy by spending time with two Japanese girls who didn't speak English. But knowing after we played cards, laughed a lot, ate dinner, watched movies that joy was found in making sure there was always something to do. But that you can find joy in everything you do which then gives life.

Need joy? Need life?...

This is Me

Tue, 9 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I have my addictions; I keep my share of secrets. And things you will never see. I get selfish and defensive and pay to much attention to my insecurities.

This is Who I am...

My heart breaks for the broken. I worry about my future, the desires of my heart is to live intimately with the Lord. I am dealing with the changes in this complicated strangeness of seeing life this way.

This is Who I am...

It brings me joy to laugh, tear up when I see someone hurting and I am stubborn as a stone.

This is Who I am...

Here I am with my impurities right here on my sleeve, learning how to share my life with community, desiring for my family to know my heart and for others to know Jesus' heart.

So I am on this journey called life and learning more about "Who I am" every day.

This is Who I am...

Someone that is dependent on people most of my life, I am full of worth and no one can snatch me out of Gods palm, I am engraved on the center of His eye, I am allowing the Lord to shed light in all the dark places of my heart.

This is Who I am...

He is ministering to me....making me "Who I am"....all because he is faithful.

Life Breathing

Mon, 25 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here is a video of my month in Romania. I was sad to leave the hunger that I found in this place but excited to find new hungers a long my way. My team and I are headed to Bratislava, Slovakia. We will be working a long side Pastor Patrick Higgins doing various different ministries. Please keep my team and my squad in your prayers as we travel. Thank you so much for your support!

New Hunger

Thu, 14 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Day begins with the sun conquering the rolling hills of Viile Tecii, Romania. The morning brings a hunger for new eyes that have been covered by the hurt of yesterday and the continual desire to pour into kids. But not many new hungers.
I am a victim of familiarity. My heart has fallen into sleep but healing is the voice that awakens me. Sitting on my bed that is just a frame, I stare at the wall. Wondering about the meaning of it all. Why has this thing called life got me going crazy? So I open up His Word and let it speak to me. The purpose and the plan that He has designed are clear to see.

So He takes an ordinary day and challenges me to hunger for something new.

My leg muscles tighten as I take step after step down the hill trying not to make a disaster of the journey I'm on. I gather some flowers on my way down, remembering seeing a sweet lady sitting in front of her house, feeling like she might need some love today. I hand them to her as I pass by and tears began to stream down her face. As words come out of her mouth, they begin to break my heart. Not because of the words she is saying but because I do not understand what they mean. I know nothing else to do but pray for this woman and give her some of my time. Even though I can't express words to her I pray that sitting next to her would allow her to feel Jesus in her life that day.

After my time with this lady who is suffering from diabetes, I find out her daughter, her caretaker, has a tumor that makes her look nine months pregnant. She is slowly dying. And when this daughter passes away, the sweet nine-year-old grandson will be taking care of the woman. He'll need give her insulin shots daily.

It breaks my heart to hear this but I know that this sweet lady Annika is deeply loved by the Lord. And now knowing her situation in life, she seemed like a woman desperate for someone to take her pain away. Even though I know I can't do that, I know I can give Annika my love without words. TIME! And the Lord will take care of the rest.

Happy Mother's Day (video)

Fri, 8 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Mom I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you for all you do. I would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for you. I hope you enjoy the video. Love you!

Hungry

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Month eight, day one. I think it is terminal this journey I am waiting in could use a change of scene, of scenes I have been repeating in. Another day, another place another same thing. Yesterday became tomorrow that a strange thing. I want to breathe. I want to breathe and out again. I have now been traveling for eight months. I have been to eight different countries, worked with eight different people groups and shared my life story with eight different cultures. In that sense life seems the same. The scenes stay the same. I am taking one step after the other. I enter the month sharing my life and come out changed but knowing I will have to share my life again for one more month. But something is different. I have lost something. Don't know how long I have been without but I can feel a change. I have lost my hunger. But I am hungry again...

I am hungry to be in the word. To go out and share my hunger to the world around me. From experience that hunger only lasts for a short time. There are times where I will come together with my team and they are just as hungry and we share what we are hungry for and where we think that hunger pain is coming from. As a team we are unified and we come together to fill that hunger pain. We eat a little, get a little taste of what we have longed for and then were satisfied and that hunger goes away. So how do we keep being hungry for those things we are passionate about? When we feel like this journey seems like the scenes never change. We just have to start over every month. Lord how do I search that hunger that runs deep within me that sometimes gets thrown water on and is not as strong? How do I hunger longer? That is what this moths looks like fore me. I still hunger to serve those around me. But I want to wake up everyday and burn with passion to know his word more intimately and for that word to pour from within me onto my hands and feet. I want to hunger to be more of him....

You got me higher than Kilimanjaro...(video)

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Light in the darkness...(video)

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

KINGDOM (video)

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We are an army of love

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I sit here not knowing the words yet to help me see the light. I'm reaching through the fire. I want to see the kingdom and be caught in the mystery. My arms are opened wide, swallowed up by life.

Feels like a brand new day and I know I am not the same. Cause I see you and I need you and I know I cannot lead you if I tried. I have tried almost anything. Leads me to the same place, on my knees or on my face.

The nations fall, when you speak and you have spoken over me. I am tired of giving up so easily. The way you keep loving me. Changes everything I see. It's a mystery.

Why do I sit here and feel hurt and not see that I am sitting in the mystery of who you truly are. You have knocked on my hearts door and instilled missions in my life and that mission is you.

This is what I have been called to. This is what we have been called to. To stand up and hear heaven's call. To live love and give love, to those who don't know of the abundant and true love of God. I am child of God. We are children of God. We are an army of love. We are to carry truth to the world. We are the kingdom of God.

Passion

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The train comes to a stop as I am gathering my last bag. That last one brings my total luggage to one-too-many. I step onto the platform and my team makes an uneducated guess on where our contact might be meeting us. Turns out we're right. By foot we travel to our new home for the month, and when my legs can't take any more of the drafty concrete stairwell, we arrive at our apartment and crash in our cozy new beds for a morning nap.
Later in the day, we're supplied guides to get our bearings on the city. Our YWAM handlers Oksana and Meike arrive and we gather our things to head out the door. We head into a town of mystery, to begin a month of mystery.
We search the unknown and soon find ourselves comfortable with our surroundings and grateful for our guides. As we say our goodbyes and head our own ways I have an intentional feeling that these two girls are going to be meaningful this month.
Even though my days have been short here in Lutsk, that intentional feeling has become a burning passion. A passion to know these women of God like my heavenly father knows them. To know what brings them joy, to know what brings them pain, to know their deepest darkest secrets, and to distinguish all that from what sits on the surface.
Oksana, a Godly soon-to-be 29-year-old woman, was raised by her parents but her spiritual rearing came from the Orthodox faith of her grandmother. That stated to me "Even though I was raised differently then how I live now I have never doubted that I didn't know the Lord as my savior because of how my grandmother raised me." She is a woman loved by the Lord and you can see that in her radiant smile, spunky conversation and passion to know that we're provided for.
Meike, a shining young 19-year-old woman, is not only in love with the Lord but is full of life. She burns with an unusual passion for doing the Lord's work. She only graduated from high school in the last year, and has now leapt into God's heart for Ukraine, committing to YWAM-Lutsk for 2 years.
I share this with you because it has only been a couple days that I have known these women of God but my passion burns deep for them. I want to know and love them like Jesus would while I am in Lutsk. So please pray with them as I begin a relationship with my sisters in Christ.

the streets of bangalore (Squad Leader's Blog)

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I really wanted to share what we experienced this past month and felt like my squad leader did an awesome job. Enjoy reading!

It's 5:00. Quittin' time by American standards. "Hi, Honey, I'm home" and dinner's on the table.

But 5 p.m. in Bangalore, India looks a little different.

We covered ourselves in long pants and scarves and headed out to the streets. To Market Street where you can buy a lot more than justfruitsandvegetables. To the train and bus stations wheretravelisn't the main agenda. To the alleys and corners wheredarknessisn't only physical.

We were there to observe the FSWs...Female Sex Workers. Women who have been bought and sold more times than they can keep track of. 'R' took us along the path he covers most every night. The path where he passes dozens of women he knows, dozens of women he longs to rescue from this life. But dozens of women who have to make that decision for themselves.

Most of these women were sold into this lifestyle by friends or family members desperate for money they couldn't seem to earn. Women probably isn't the right word because many of them are little more than children themselves. But they've been sold to pimps who prostitute them and take as much as 80 or 90% of their earnings. They were sold without their consent. They stay out of fear.

Fear.

Fear of the men and women who now own them and have threatened their lives if they leave.

Fear of having nowhere to go and no way to support themselves if they leave the streets.

Fear of their families where they have now brought shame and condemnation.

Fear of facing the reality of pregnancies, HIV and other STDs.

So we watch them. We watch them walk aimlessly in circles, boldly staring at every man they pass, using their eyes to ask, "Am I what you're looking for?" We watch parties (potential clients) approach them and begin negotiations. We watch them climb in auto rickshaws to head to the nearest rest house. And they repeat this process an average of 15 times each night. We stood on a bridge for 15 minutes watching one woman negotiate with probably 10 different men. Her motions got more and more frantic as time passed without securing a client. She could see the money slipping away with each man that leaves. At first I was relieved that maybe she wouldn't have to go through this tonight...but she knows it will be much worse if she doesn't bring home enough cash and panic sets in.

By now we've lingered too long and have to keep moving. 'R' is getting nervous because the criminals are coming out. So we make a few more rounds and he points out a few more FSWs, even quickly introduces us to a couple. He knows them. They know him. And he is there just in case tonight is the night one of them will ask him to take her home. But no one asks. So we head back to the car. The car with doors that lock to protect us. The car that drives us to the house behind the gate, with beds and fans inside. The place where we feelsafe. The place where hundreds of women from the streets have come to find a safe place. The place where hundreds more will come. 20 of them are sleeping below me even now.

Haunted only by their dreams and memories...and even those are fading. Because they've foundhope.

A bangalore english assigment (Squad leaders blog)

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

GLOSSARY TO THE STREETS OF BANGALORE:

CSW-Commercial Sex Worker

FSW-Female Sex Worker

Eunuch-Castrated men who dress as women and work the streets...hence the FSW distinction.

Party-Potential clients

Negotiations-The conversations between CSWs and Parties to determine just how much a person is worth.

Rest House-The destinations where in fact, not much resting takes place.

NOW USE THESE WORDS IN A SENTENCE:

In the town of Banglore, India alone, there are thousands ofCSWs. If you aren't aware you could walk past them without ever really knowing. TheFSWsare recognizable mostly by their bold stares. They brazenly make eye contact with every man they pass and while most people are walking with purpose to a destination, these women wander aimlessly until they find an interestedparty. Once eye contact is maintained with said party, thenegotiationsbegin. TheFSWwaits to hear how much this party believes she is worth and if they can agree, they immediately proceed to the nearestRest Housefor a half hour of work. Once finished, the process is repeated.Eunuch's are more easily recognizable because even after castration, they still have dominantly male features. Silk sarees and makeup do little to hide the facial hair and deep voices and they engage in a similar process as the women.

BUT HERE'S WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON:

Ayoung girl wakes up in the middle of the day after a long night of work. She puts on nice clothes and jewelry. She brushes her hair and puts on a little makeup. And once ready, she ventures outside to begin another night. As the men stare at her with lust in their eyes, shestaresright back. The part of her that is disgusted by their leers is pushed aside as she convinces herself that their desire isflattering. She uses her eyes to feed their desire and begins to showcase what they're looking for. Which would be a full mouth, large breasts, and the illusion of virginity. Her self esteem is shattered as they begin discussing her price for the night. Her body is appraised and reduced to mere pennies (or rupees) based on how well she meets their criteria. But she doesn't have time for pride or insult. As they walk to the nearest seedy hotel, she's trying not to wonder what kind of perversion this one will come up with. Whether or not she'll be beaten and degraded even beyond what's normal. How she can pretend she's turned on by another disgusting man. But she does everything she can to turn off her mind and survive one more night.

........

We can use the clinical terms to protect ourselves from really feeling what's going on. It's easier on our hearts and minds and the truth is, sometimes I have to because I just can't handle to truth. The truth that these women are whored out for someone else's pleasure and benefit. The truth that the 16 year old girls in my house have been beaten and burned, that they have physical scars on their bodies to remind them of their pain. The truth that they have children they never wanted, that two of them just tested HIV+, that they've been told they're not wanted so many times that they believe it. But I don't want to be numb to the pain. I don't want to think of them as FSWs, but as children that God loves lavishly. And as I embrace their truth and pain, I'm also seeing theredemptionof the Lord in their lives. Their are thousands of women on the streets still waiting for redemption. But for the 12 girls I'm living with right now, it is obvious.

Stay tuned for the stories of redemption.

Redemption on the Streets of Bangalore (Last Post of Squad leaders blog)

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you, how are you, auntie?

Hope* and I have this conversation multiple times each day because it's about the only English she knows how to speak. One day I caught her crying in the stairwell and immediately asked what was wrong. With tears streaming down her face, she looked straight at me and responded, "I am fine, thank you, how are you?" Now every time I ask her, I follow up with an assortment of facial expressions for her to choose from to tell me how she's really doing.She's still usually fine.

But regardless of the tears, her story hasRedemptionwritten all over it. See, when she was rescued just a few short months ago, she wassufferingfrom a fairly common "job hazard"--an unwanted pregnancy. She came here to the home a scared 18 year old who wanted nothing to do with her child. She didn't want to look at this baby's face andwonderwho the father was. She didn't want to be reminded of her suffering. She was just a child herself, forced to grow up much faster than she should and she had no idea what to do with a baby. But she was convinced to give birth and nurse the child for a few weeks before giving her up. And when we arrived here 6 weeks after Baby J* was born, Hope was alreadymadly in lovewith her. It didn't take us long either...I fell in love with her immediately, but I have to pry her away from Hope's arms to spend a few minutes holding her. She can already hold her head up and 'stand' on her legs for hours it seems! She likes to be held in your left arm instead of the right and loves being rocked back and forth.

And she's not the only child of redemption here.

Polly* is almost three and her squeals echo throughout the stairwell all the way to the roof. She loves being upside down and you better hold her tight because she'll flip herself upside down in your arms if you're not doing it for her. One look at her puppy dog eyes and you'll know exactly why she's spoiled rotten. She wears bells on her ankles so you can always hear her coming. She stands outside our door staring at us and waiting for us to invite her in. We know better than to make eye contact because we can't resist her charms.

Macy* is almost a year and has more hair than I do. She has the chubbiest legs you've ever seen and was deathly afraid of us when we first got here. She's warmed up now though and she crawls all over the place exploring and squealing at the top of her lungs. They must be disproportionally large because she makes more noise than the rickshaws just outside our windows. Her smile will melt your heart.

Lou* is a little younger than Macy and you've never seen a happier baby. His chubby cheeks give way to a heart stopping grin and he is quite the little charmer. He is NEVER still and instead bounces everywhere he goes. He can't quite stand on his own which means you get to bounce with him for hours on end. But one look at his face and you never want to stop.

These children weren't planned. They weren't really wanted. They probably came close to being aborted. But theGod of Redemptionchose them. Heplannedthem. Hecreatedthem in His image and they have brought complete joy to their mothers and this house. And we pray over them daily that they would never be forced into the lives of people before them. In the middle of painful suffering, of shame and fear, the Lord spoke LOVE and JOY through these precious children. And every time we see their faces or hear their giggles, we are certain that He has redeemed the lives of their mothers.

He is Redeeming the Streets of Bangalore.

Let me just say Kelly did an amazing job gathering thoughts about our experience this month. I hope you were able to see a glimpse of what we experienced this month.

Off to Kiev. Thank you so much for your prayers and support